I came across this quote today, randomly, and I don’t think I’ve ever read truer words. “Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough.” I think back to the last few weeks and I’m honestly taken back about how true this is.
Life is one crazy ride. No one knows what each day is going to bring yet somehow we’re expected to be ready to respond to any situation at any given moment. Most of the time though, we don’t respond, we react. Being responsive and being reactive are two very different things. Being reactive means that you’re reacting purely on emotion; yes you’re technically responding but the difference here is that your response is based upon what others do. Being responsive is being alert and aware; you’re responding based on logic, on thought, on your own self.
Recently, I found myself consumed with this super powerful, raw emotion. I was having a severe panic attack, a total breakdown. I couldn’t breathe, my body was in shock. I was overwhelmed with fear, panic and terror. My heart was racing, I felt such a loss of control. Logic was thrown out the window. The harder I tried to dig myself out of it, the more reactive I was, the deeper I fell into it. Why was I feeling this way? Because of something that was done to me. I was reacting based upon an horrendous act that someone else did to me.
This was a powerful dose of reality. It’s interesting how a breakdown as tumultuous as mine. Had the ability to make me take a huge step back and go, “Wait a damn second. What’s going on here?”. Weeks later, I can look back at it and realize that as uncomfortable, overwhelming, anxious and and awful I felt during it, it was something I needed to experience to have a fresh perspective of myself and my life.
Do I hate what has happened to me? I absolutely despise that I’ve had to endure all of this pain and emotional and mental torture, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. No one should have to experience what I have. NO ONE. But instead of letting it keep defeating me, and dragging me down a bad path, I’m choosing to take it and use it for good. My response to my experiences is to fight back productively, proactively and positively.
The only person who can get me through this, is myself. I have all the faith in the world that I’ll come out of all this much stronger. Honestly, I already feel stronger. The road to recovery, hasn’t been easy and I still have some work to do. I’ve come to realize that we, as in any human being, don’t grow when things are easy. We grow when we face challenges. I’m not the same person I was yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, even a year ago. But you can damn well bet, that my comeback is going to be fierce and stronger than my setback.